What to Expect in the Second Session
I’ve written a bit about how to expect during the first session here. But what about the second or third session?
We’ve learned why you’re wanting to start counseling, agreed upon a general approach, and found out that we’re a good fit. But what’s next?
How do you start a session? Am I going to plan out sessions, direct you to talk about specific things, or assign homework that I ‘check’ each session?
Let’s demystify the second session.
As a counselor, there is really only one main thing I’ll ask you to do:
Try to speak as openly as you can about whatever comes to mind — even if it seems small, awkward, or difficult to say.
That might sound simple, but it can be surprisingly hard. Some thoughts may feel unimportant, embarrassing, or even impolite — including thoughts about me. The goal is to bring your full self into the room. If something’s getting in the way, try to talk about that too.
If this sounds like ‘free association’, that’s because it is. Free association is sometimes called the ‘basic rule’ of psychotherapy - it’s where everything starts.
And of course, counseling also asks for: regular attendance with advance notice of absences (it’s hard to say whatever’s on your mind if you aren’t there), willingness to explore your inner world, even amid discomfort or uncertainty, and commitment to self-reflection and emotional honesty.
How can saying whatever comes to mind help you change, feel better, and understand yourself in deeper ways?
It sounds obvious, but there’s really no way for a therapist to guide you toward deeper self-understanding or self-reflection without your active participation. It is actually quite difficult to ask questions that aren’t leading and impossible to ask clarifying questions without material from your inner world.
Freely saying whatever comes to mind facilitates reflective functioning (sometimes called mentalization), which will help you connect with yourself and others in deeper ways. It’s a hallmark of developing a healthy personality and supports self-esteem and resilience.
Most people have been surprised about something that was outside of their own conscious awareness. Maybe a friend shares something they notice about you that you’ve never noticed before. Or maybe you find yourself feeling quite strongly about someone for seemingly no reason. All of these experiences are examples of unconscious dynamics at work. In counseling, we try to make these dynamics conscious so you can live more freely. Saying whatever comes to mind is a way to explore what is inside and outside of awareness.
I’ll always invite you to start our sessions and talk about whatever is on your mind that day. Sometimes the things you mention will feel random, but they’ll often connect to deeper thoughts and feelings related to things in your life or your experiences in therapy.
Someone once said that counseling is much more like traveling in a hot air balloon than in an airplane. I find this is usually true. We take in the full scenery of your life and emotions in a way that is unhurried so you can know yourselves in richer ways, which will lead to lasting and deeper inner change.
References
https://dictionary.apa.org/free-association